A Chaotic Confession

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I’ve found joy in writing from early ages. Whenever I read something that impressed me, touched my soul, or made me curios, I would take my tiny diary and start with the common lines: “Dear, Diary”. It gave me a sense of settlement and harmony. The moment I put my thoughts on a piece of paper in a structured way, I knew for sure what I was feeling about the thing that startled me. It helped me simplify complex concepts. Taking this into account, it was natural that once digital technologies gave me the opportunity of having an online platform where I could gather my thoughts on particular pieces and moving instances and share them with like-minded people, I did not miss the chance and commenced my blog. The surprising part though, is that recently, I’ve started to write less and less. The reason was not the fact that I lost the delight, the sense of serenity I found in; it was the the byproduct of becoming more educated and, particularly, because of gaining professionalism in a field that has absolutely nothing to do with writing. I developed a fear of not being able to convey my messages in a “professional” way. The logic was the following: those who study language, writing, communication, or something related, have superior abilities to write, so, let the experts take the responsibility of providing the public with quality content (the fact that English is not my mother tongue, but just the language of my education made me even more doubtful of my abilities). What I forgot when reasoning like this was that being a superior writer has never been my goal at first place. I wrote for my pleasure, for fun, for fulfillment, for understanding the world around me better, for grasping information, thinking about it critically, in a structured manner and, ultimately, forming personal opinions. The style hasn’t ever been my focus-the simplification and the content, the feelings that I put in it were the sole factors that interested me. I’ve never aimed at writing for others; it was all about my inner self…
This realization came to me suddenly, when the WordPress reminded me of the anniversary of my blog. I am writing specifically about writing here, but what I experienced, the threat of “professionalism”, is a separate topic within the context of modern education and its fallacies. Frequently, being taught and forced to gain expertise in a particular field, we overlook our essence. Trying to find a calling, we might actually lose it…
The bottom line: do not let your brain blur your inner voice, do not let conventions affect your decisions and life.

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